Monday morning. A week of sickness has left me anxious and exhausted, and now there are many more things left undone than the usual Monday morning long list. One of the hardest things about losing a spouse is the double responsibility. Earning the living and caring for family and planning the future and cooking and cleaning and caring for sick children and fixing things! These were the pressures of life for two, and now they are the pressure cooker all on the shoulders of one.
And I woke up on Monday morning with a spirit of heaviness. It was hard to get up and focus. I made to-do lists and complained to God. The window fell down in my car again as I drove to work. Bitter cold, stuffy head, feeling alone in the gray winter of Yucky Kentucky. “It’s January,” I tell myself. “Just a few more weeks and the dreariness will break.” But it doesn’t help the spirit of heaviness on a Monday morning.
I have three heroes who help me get through winter every year. They are David, Isaiah, and Jeremiah. Surely if they looked down from heaven at me, they would gasp at my self-pity. What’s her problem!!! David ran for his life and lived in caves and suffered terrible calamity in war and family sorrows and death. And the words he left me could not be more confident that God’s providence overrules the immediate pressures of life, leaving us always overcomers. I found myself quoting his most familiar Psalm as I drove the winding road to Oldham County.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want…I have everything I need, Lord, how could I want more? Green pastures…still waters… He restores my soul. David knew how to be still and know that He is God on a Monday morning. The words of Psalm 23 seemed brand new as they swept back the dreary sky, the drooping hands, and the feeble knees. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…Thank you God. How true that has been in my life. You have kept us in your care, safe from the cold winters of despair. You have opened my dull ears to hear the words whose promise has been true every day of my life. I live in His goodness and mercy.
The sun was rising as I turned into the long driveway that leads to my office. The sky seemed like a personal painting—a masterpiece sent to me from the Almighty. Today is His! And Isaiah’s words added the amen, You have given me “the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness” (Isaiah 61:3). How He loves me!